Another Day...

Oh yes another day in my complicated life. I hate to hear people speak about being poor. Today I heard a girl in form one or two, teasing the other girl about her being poor, I felt sorry for the other girl, but she has to toughen up one day or the other, in this world there won't be people like me willing to help her throughout her life. And then it was lunchtime at school, after having lunch I would normally sit and old talk with my friends, but I sat and thought about the true meaning of being poor...
Every one is poor in this world some way or the other. Look at me for instance, I'm not like a super rich girl, but the majority of things I ask for I get. First in form 1 I wanted a computer, got it,,, that wasn't enough, it was too boring, asked for internet got it, then the new trend was mp3 players, but then I saw mp4 players had to get it, got it. But I'm not trying to brag but show how things come,there are some days, my mother doesn't know how on earth she going and pay the bills and buy groceries. If I was to ask my mother to go fete or concert or something and the ticket was like $600.00 or something, ain't no way I'm going. And still with all my other stuff I still lack something, the love of a father. It really hurts you know, because everyday I'm constantly reminded, by seeing my sis with her dad.
So no matter how much money someone has or how much material things they have they are still poor, because they either lack love or happiness, or they are never contended they still want more...I look at some children who people class as poor, because of the way they look, and because of what they don't have, and they are so happy. I hear them everyday, when I walk pass on my way home from school talking to their mom, on what they did in school and so on. They are so rich, not even the richest man could buy their feelings of happiness. They don't have computers or cable T.V. they have each other's company, so their communication level at their home is high.
While at my home, everyone's in their own world. I'm kinda like the only one who knows about gadgets and stuff, so I spend most time with pictures, being online getting music and so on[although these days i'm studying more than ever], my brother just watches t.v. in his room, on his arrival from work, and my sis watches her t.v. also. And mom comes home tired, and when I do try to speak with her, husband tries to over power me, because he alone wants to speak to her, so I just get fed up and leave the room, and come back to my room, where my t.v. and my blinkbroad band connection can keep my company. He gets me so angry sometimes, I just wanna get away from him and my whole family sometimes, maybe one my prince charming will come and rescue me from my miserable life, sigh....one day... he better make it fast!

Refreshed

I feel so great today, so great I feel like going out and dancing the night away. I'm not thinking about home problems or school problems at all. I have been trying to work on my attitude, because some people think I'm a meanie, but when I go to school with all my problems, and then you come around with crap, I'll snap very easily. I never meant to be a mean girl it just happened that way. So now I'm trying to smile more, although my face hurts when I smile, but its probably because I'm not used to smiling lol. Being happy feels good, you should try it.

Afraid...

I'm really afraid, that my mother will leave leave me in this world, to fend for myself. Yesterday she was feeling dizzy, and complaining of pains throughout her body. She said it could be her blood pressure, but to be sure we took her to the doctor.... and the doctor said that her blood pressure was indeed high, and that her blood sugar was also high. So now my mother has Diabetes. The whole day yesterday, i just researched it to make that she could live with the disease. But I'm also afraid, because my father had it, and now she has it. She said she'll carry me for a test, because I have been experiencing some of the symptoms, while researching, I saw that anyone at any age can be diagnosed with diabetes, so now I just have to pray that everything goes well. But this morning I woke feeling so happy, and this is a first, cause I'm not a morning person, I have also stop hating my step-father for what he has done, I really don't like to remember, so a next time I'll fill you in, So maybe because I released my hatred, I feel so light, despite my frighteness....(is that a word "frightentess", I'll have to check).

Society

Society on the whole is very ugly. Every time older people gather to talk is young people this, and young people that and sometimes it really pisses me off. Like yesterday, when everyone was already seated in the examination room, awaiting the accounts paper, my friend, my pregnant friend that is, was told by our principal(an old miserable nun) to go in another room, next to the room, me and my fellow classmates were in. The way the principal did it, I wouldn't even do that to my worst enemy.. She grabbed her arm and literally dragged the 8 months pregnant girl to the other room, but the thing is the principal failed to realise is, that she has no control over where the girl sits, it is the invigilator who is in charge, because we have already finished school is just that we're wearing the dumb uniform, so the same speed she was put in the other room, the same speed, she was brought back.
I know that teenage pregnancies are being frowned upon by people in society, and that my friend had no right to, as we trini's say it "tek no man", but she made a mistake, and I really think that she'll make it far in life, and she took that big step to accept the unborn baby and did not do an abortion. Although to be honest with you when I found she was pregnant, I was kind of disappointed, but then after I realized, maybe it wasn't her fault but society's. People are making sex so casual, and fornication is not a big thing anymore. If I was to go out with my friends, and I said I don't believe in fornication everyone would look at me laugh like they were at a Learie Joseph show. Even on the television they make it seem so okay, Oh and if two unmarried people live together, they are like whats the big deal everyone's doing it.
But I have a lot of friends who are sexually active and try to make believe its so great,but the kind of values my mother instilled me I'm really going to wait until I'm married. And sometimes if your with a group and you mention this, they look at you like your trying to be "miss goody two shoes" or something, but being a virgin does make someone perfect, all bright-eyed and innocent, and I'm not perfect, I just have good values, AND IF ANYONE THINKS OTHERWISE FUCK YOU! BE-YOTCH!! And if yuh is AH TRINI HAUL YUH MOTHER CUNT!!!(see im not innocent :P the indian in meh havin meh cussing so).

hummm.....

Yesterday was a very hectic day, so I didn't really get to write anything in my blog, But yesterday was a very good day for me because, I got through with all my past papers, and my lovely nephews came to visit to me, but although it was a very short visit, it was the highlight of my day. The older one didn't even want to leave, :( but there was nothing I could do for that, oh well such is life. Oh and today, I had a lot of chores to do, so I am just chillaxin, and chatting with my friends.....

Why can't I Breathe?

Today went like most days, meaning same schedule, but i felt so weird today I can't even explain it. My mind was searching for god knows what. I couldn't even speak today, I felt like I was choking and I don't even know why. My friends picked up my strange vibe, without hearing the sound of my voice, as we were chatting online as usual.
I couldn't even write anything on my blog this morning, I just stared aimlessly at the keyboard, even right now as I type it's 12:58am in the morning, and I still find myself lost for words, I feel as though I can't breathe.... My neck really hurts from the tension, of my home life, and my exams...Could that be the cause? I don't even think so.
I normally call up my best friend at nine(for the free calls after 9) and I just didn't even bother, instead, I sat in my gallery and looked at the stars for hours, but after a while I had to come inside, cause my mom wanted to lock up. And right now the only thing am I doing is studying, but not speaking.... and I feel a heavy pressure on my heart and today, I cried for no reason. I really hope that this feeling goes away..... I really don't like it.

POEM

Alone
I am all alone in despair
No one's with me, No one Cares.
The only sound I hear is the,
Palpitation of my heart..........

The dreadful sound of silence,
Burns my ears.....,
I can't take it anymore,
Is anyone there??

No, No one's there, to ease the pain,
They don't want to be with me,
for what will they gain??
A girl filled with broken dreams,
And a sorrowful heart,
Whose attitude stinks,
Like deplorable art..

by: Haley Joe

Same Shit Different Day.

Today took very long to pass by, but it was just like any other day for me, except this time my younger sister didn't have any school today, so it was just a tad bit stressful. I'm a little pissed, because my older brother is such an inconsiderate ass. He knows very well that I have to study for my C.X.C. exams, and yet insists that he play his music louder than loud. So as soon as my mother came home I did what any normal annoying little sister would do, I told on his ass! He got it good,ha ha ha..... I'm so bad, but I can't help it. One of my very old friends I won't say who, called me up today and begged me to go to, the rock festival with them. It sounded very cool. I approached my mother to ask her if I could go, and the woman "give meh" a flat out NO!. Because my mother is what you would call an "old time Christian" so chances of me going to that show are very short. Oh well, if it wasn't rock, I probably would have gotten the permission, but people fail, to see that not only rock music transfers satanic messages. Certain soca songs, and even rap and hip-hop have satanic messages encrypted in the music. Say what that's why they invented the internet so I can get any music I want. lolz. Before this gets anymore boring I better stop, I hope your still awake! Omg, I need to do my eyebrows, yikeeessss! later.

Today

I never know what today's going to bring. All I can do is go with the flow and hope that everything goes well. A lot of my friends are saying I'm crazy, and I shouldn't do Journalism, but to all of those people who are saying not to do it, and that its a dangerous and sucky job, I JUST WANNA SAY FUCK YOU! No one can tell me what profession is best for me. Once I got the support from my mother, I knew that right then and there, that I really was going to pursue it. I personally don't think any thing's wrong with that job, I just want to be the one in my family who followed their dream. My elder sister also wanted to do the same profession ,but did not have the confidence to pursue it, and now she's a housewife. My only brother who is also older than me wanted to become a professional D.J., and he works at Mario's, for the same crappy reason lack of confidence. Not this time, I'm gonna be the first one to follow my dream, and I'm going to help my younger sister, to achieve whatever she wants to do in her life, and right now she loves to model and take pictures, so well see where that takes us, hmmm... mama sure got some outgoing kids, Don't you think? they all wanted or want to be recognized publicly.