Hi!!!

hey everyone,. i just stole some time off lunch to update my blog! if my job was boring, i wudda be updating my blog often! lol, its going great so far, just no fb, no msn, but i just gotta live! lol and i have a very cool supervisor.... =)

And here goes....

Well I really need to slap myself for waiting until now to update my blog, but there was so much going on!! my mom's 50th Birthday thanksgiving service went very well!! but yo! the preparations was hard! I had to do a lot of stuff, but in the end it was all worth it. And then I had a conference in church which was for 3 days, but that was like wow!! I had to be in church a lot, morning, afternoon, and night!!!! And then I'm working :O lol so it was kinda tough to fit in the blog, but I deserve a hard kick, feel free to kick me Bloggers!!!!!!!! lolz, well I guess y'all read my previous post about my friend and I, well He's going to Canada so I was really sad for a while, I even cried, but hey there's nothing I could do, there was always a possibility of him going there anyways, but he always used to say if a certain something works he would stay, and his parents would just leave him behind... But I'm sure you guys know what that 'something' is. Oh well life goes on!!!!!!!!!!!

:(......... :).......... :S

I really dont't know how to feel.... my friend is in love with me, byt the thing is I don't feel the same way, now that its out in the open, it looks as though, I don't even have him as a friend anymore, this is really hurting me yo! here's the chat log, I'm - M.J. and he's (U) 3VAC (U)




M.J o.O ok




M.J. so u not tellin me 8-)



(U) 3VAC (U) lol nope not until u at least guess or something




M.J. umm wht is abt giv me a hint



M.J. lol





(U) 3VAC (U) if i give u a hint


u wud fine it out



trust me



M.J. umm is it abt me alone, or u and i



(U) 3VAC (U) both of us


M.J. Hmmm u think u love me or sumtin?



(U) 3VAC (U) yah



M.J. u srs ? :S




(U) 3VAC (U) yh




M.J. Hmmm ok then, i dont feel the same way tho .... i'm srry... :(


(U) 3VAC (U) yeah




(U) 3VAC (U) Its ok




M.J. ok *-)




(U) 3VAC (U) u dont even like me fully so i know love is way out of the question
but thats ok lol i accustomed to it



M.J. ok then dont make it sound so bad


M.J. lol


M.J i care abt u tho



(U) 3VAC (U) yeah i know




M.J. i gone i too sick




ok here's later down in d night.

(U)3V@C(U) least i got the hard part over
see... i had this thing right and i used to say good things dont happen to
ppl like me and u prolly was a really good thing that happened but that was
all in my mind...

M.J. na man u shudnt make me sound so gud, i cud b a rel bitch at times, especially
if i'm in a relationship, i might jus stress u out

(U)3V@C(U) but this jus hurts on a diff level

M.J. ok, well
M.J. i dont hav a prob tryin
M.J. cuz
M.J. i think ur cool
M.J. an straight forward

(U)3V@C(U) Nah nah 4get it...i not guilting anyone into anything..

M.J. i not feelin guilty
M.J. u gotta take risks at times, its me too, i kinda built this thing in my mind that all boys r bad
M.J. cauz i only get d biggest A$es

(U)3V@C(U) Hey ur smart , beautiful and u love god youll make a successful life and live
long go for someone who has those qualities im jus an obstacle...

M.J. hey stop downing urself like that, u need to hav a lil more confidence in urself dude

(U)3V@C(U) Dont worry ill be fine

M.J. ok, so like i cud only talk to u on msn only, no face to face interaction, or phone or n e
thing no moe hanging out??

(U)3V@C(U) nah girl right now i cryin like a lil baby...it sad eh..

M.J. idk y u makin me CRy now dang

(U)3V@C(U) Nah girl i strong i jus listening to some music and i good

M.J. Hmm ok well i'm not

(U)3V@C(U) Dont study it girl
I tell u before i accustommed to it

M.J. i cant but study it......... wen i consider ppl my frens i feel hurt wen they're hurt
M.J. help*

(U)3V@C(U) jus block meh on msn
(U)3V@C(U) and well call it square

M.J. y shud i???? ur my fren.
M.J. ok if u wanna b that way well fine, but that really hurt, its like u dont even
wanna b my fren but ok
M.J. i will then if it makes u feel better

(U)3V@C(U) i wanna b ur fren but it hurts me bad
(U)3V@C(U) knowin u right there and i cant do nothin
(U)3V@C(U) Ok then dont block me

M.J. ok, i wont
M.J. but
M.J. nvm

M.J. u dere?

(U)3V@C(U) yeah

M.J. well i gone dere, i'm really srry u wont hav to deal with me again ,
i try not to come in ur way to make it harder
i'll**

(U)3V@C(U) Nah its not like that
(U)3V@C(U) we cool no worries


M.J. if u say so
M.J. i gone bye



IDK Y I'M FEELIN SO BAD, I VERY WELL KNOW THINGS AREN'T GONNA BE THE SAME, BETWEEN ME AND MY FRIEND, ITS SO SAD I LOST MY FRIEND :(

Who am I

Who am I?
Do you know me?
You think you do, yeah you might look at me...and say "she's perfect"
living in a big house. . . . parents having two cars
yeah I do well in schoool, my hand always flicking up, ready to anwer the question,
You look at me and then you say, "She feel she dey"...
I doh feel i dey, I ain't even reach yet

Who am I ?
Do you know me?
No you don't know what I go through.....
You don't know how my mom bought our house........
you don't know how much nights I cried myself to sleep
you don't know how many mornings I wished I didn't wake up......
You don't know!!!

Who I am?
I am just trying to live.....But my faith is dying......GOD help me
God why my family? why you doing it God ? why?
Why you putting my mother under that stress?
Why does life have to be so tough?
God I done, I done cry, I done wishing I would die
you have to come now and work it out

Who am I Now?
I am a child of God!
God why i doubt you boy? Look, look how you stepped in!
Look how I stopped crying, look how my household transformed
Look at my smile, God is a real smile!!
God look at my confidence!! look how i feel good about myself
God your awesome and I love you

Now......Do you know me now?
or are you still lost?....Do you know the God I serve?
you should get to know him man.....
He'll be with you until the end!!!!!!
Remember you gotta have a test, to have a testimony, don't ever question God
he knows what he's Doing!!

By: Mahalia Joseph

just wanted to share something i wrote earlier this year.

Talk about a Bad day...

Okay well as you all read from my previous post, what happened to my uncle. Things didn't get better, it got worst actually. Well if you guys watch football, you would have seen the Ueafa champions League match between Manchester United and F.C. Barcelona. Right. I'm a big MAN UTD fan so I was a little agitated when I saw that Barcelona scored that second goal, I know it's the end of the world. But after shrieked in agony, my cellphone rang *ring* *ring*.......... It was my aunt on the other line calling me to tell me my uncle had a heart attack, he didn't die though, thank God........So yea, wednesday was the worst day, but I know things are gonna be better, I ain't even sad anymore, I'm just putting everything in God's hands!!!

What a weekend!

Wow bloggers, my weekend begun from thursday! my cousins from New york came for some time! I haven't seen them in years! It was nice to see them, it really was trust me, and plus saturday was my baby cousin's 2nd birthday party!.....but truly I'm thankful for the happy days, but...yes I know there's a big 'but'..........My uncle from New york that's here for some weeks, got an angina attack....so he could possibly have a heart attack... and I'm so scared right now :( and out of all my dad's brothers, he's the only one, that's most like my dad.I really would love, to continue on my post about the party and stuff, but I need some time to think, I won't ever forget this weekend with my uncle, although he's laying on the bed sick....I just........ I just wanna hold onto, and make some more memories right now................

Think Happy thoughts.........

Hmmmmmmmm what's that smell! It's the smell of rain lol, today was so good, although I had a Maths exam [lol] but really I'm so happy! because it rained almost whole day!....and then when my day was going so great, I just got another disappointment. I was writing about it earlier on today, but after I read it, it was just too full full of rage,anger and pain, and it's just kind of repetitive, so I decided not to post it...... and most of the stuff I wrote last year was just about being hurt and depressed, so from now on I wanna try to write positive things only, although there may be a time when I just need to vent my anger out on blogger! lol..

I sat down today and remembered how much writing stuff in my blog helped me to overcome my problems. Yea I know I have friends to talk to, and they all say they're there for me, but sometimes it isn't enough to just speak to someone,it kinda makes me feel worse, because I have to actually sit and explain the hurt all over again. There may be a time when you speak to them about certain things, and you just might get a good word of advice, but then at other times they may not understand, and then just pity you. Like for instance when I was with my bf I never mentioned any of my home problems to him, but he ended up finding out after we broke through someone in my neighbourhood, and he felt kinda angry because I couldn't share it with him, but I don't like to make people be worried and stuff about me, but one of my friends pointed out that they can't help it if they care :)