where did it come from?

I dunno but for the past two days.... I've just been happy, and smiling, and being nice to people! I really don't do that! and when I mean being nice to people I mean like the people who always bring you down, i.e. my evil friends from school, who live close to me and people who never tell you goodmorning when you pass their house, or the sour maxi-taxi driver who snatches your money from your hand without saying thanks or nothing! lol

And I think that my new found happiness is contagious, because when I told my neighbour who dislikes me for some reason, he looked at me kinda puzzled and said, "Ok gudmornin" so then I thought probably the way I let my problems show through my face, that people look at me as a"Bitchy teenager" but now ever since I told the dude morning he always says goodmorning to me and everyone else now, a simple thing like that eh? hmmm although Gina said it could just be that he got the hots for me, lol but seriously I didn't think of it like that, sometimes when we're having a bad day, we sometimes need a compliment or smile from someone, even if they're not close to us.........

But yeah back to my strange happy feelings! they just came out of nowhere! and I think I know why, but I really don't wanna believe it's that four letter word L-O-V-E because it took me a whole six months to build up a wall around my heart, so I could focus an my education, because I really need to focus on my school work right now! so heart I'm sorry but you can't go falling in love and stuff right now because I'm just not ready for a commitment, I need to be 16 yrs old and just hang out and stuff, laugh take a lil drink every now and again [ juice&shandy eh!] and you know just live! because honestly I don't think I know the actual meaning of 'love' I need to be mature enough, but damn it! I can't even look him in his eyes! his beautiful brown eyes but he told my friend he thinks I don't like him because of it, and he even asked me, Friday why I didn't look him in the eye because we went out the Thursday, and I said it's because the light that was above your head was SO FRICKIN BRIGHT!! lol I never heard such crap in my life, so he said orrrrrrr ok then well next time we wouldn't sit by bright lights ok, ..........

I don't even think there'll be a next time! I need to see where this is going after January! not now at all! but to tell you the truth the reason I didn't look him in the eye was because, I said to myself he too 'fine' he ain't gonna like me! he looked like he liked 'pretty girls' you see in magazines, but for the whole time we were together he didn't even look at another girl, his eyes didn't even stray in another direction, and to me that deserved a thumbs up because very rare you find a guy like that, I'm not saying that he doesn't look at girls on the whole eh! but just when we're together his attention is on me at all times! but HEART stop playing with my mind, your making my emotions show right now, its like I hav no control over what I'm typing, it's just happening so fast! like I'm being possessed!I think my mother is picking up my feelings too but that's not good because then I'll never go anywhere again, goshhhh people who were young especially girls allyuh know how we hadda hide and make phone calls or say nah is 'just girls going'...Is not that I like to lie to my mom, but I have no other choice, I'll do what my big sis did, tell everything when I'm loading the moving van to go live with my husband lol, So yea I don't think I could muster my all my courage to tell my mother that, I may not live to write about it! :-(