Whats the matter with me?

hmmm....my mind is totally blank. I can't think of anything to write, I thinks its because of my excitement for my last exam, and the days pass by, with no hurt, which is a good thing..and no exciting stories, So maybe I have to let it build up......

Crappy Memories

Yesterday I found my old dairy, and while I was going through it, I was like wow, I was a little punk! Because in the diary I was just writing about school and being teased and shit and my transformation from geek to chic lol. And if anyone was to meet me now, they wouldn't think I was a little punk... Now I watch those little form 1's - 3's, and they way they talk about boys, it makes me sick, They'll be like how he's so nice, He's so fine...lol.. when you pass by, you only hear He, He and he,..... And from reading my diary I was just like "frigging" them! When I had my first bf, in my diary, every time I wrote his name there was a heart around his name... Oh wow, I had no idea I was so 'sad' as we trini's would say.
And here's a paragraph from the diary dated: Jul/8/2006- Oh my god I saw {J}-[there was a heart around his name] today in movie towne, we went to see "Superman" it was great!! he put his strong arms around me when I was feeling cold,:) and even after the movie, we stayed seated, cuddling and junk! He's the best boyfriend in the whole entire universe!! And I love him so much!!After the movie we went by the balcony, hugging eachother, and exchanging soft kisses..........Then it was time for me leave, He was like,, babe, do you have to leave now... and gave me the warmest hug.. so warm, when I went in the car I was still feeling his embrace....and I was still smelling his cologne, which was not good at all!! I stayed far from my aunt!
Alright that's enough, of that crap!!!!! Don't laugh!! lol.. I forgot how girly I was... There's more but, that piece was kinda funny, well for me at least.
But the same {J}, was an asshole, we were together, on and off for 3 years, but the last time we broke up, I made sure it was for good! he didn't respect my wishes, of waiting till I'm married, he was only asking for "the thing" lol, I couldn't take it anymore, I told him I couldn't deal with this relationship, and then he kept calling me up, and asking for a third chance, He even threatened to kill himself, but that did not change my decision. I really don't know, but testosterone takes over boy's head. It's like their 'you know what' is their second brain!
Right now I'm still reading through my very funny diary... lol , If I come across another funny line, I'll share it again.

I'm not gonna doubt anymore!

Yesterday was very relaxing, I went over my Integrated-Science notes, and chilled with my lil sis in my room. Since the computer was off, I decided to turn it on for my sis to paint on it, cause she needs some tutoring, to use the computer, So when I realised she got the hang of it I decided to leave her alone. After a while of watching her, my eyelids were becoming heavy, lol... So I just closed my eyes, and went to dream land, that was about 5:30pm. When it was 6:15pm, she woke me up, because she was finished using the computer.. I was so tired... I just sent her to her room, and left it on.
While turning in my sleep, some ass called my phone, and wasn't saying a word, I was just hearing them breathing..So after I told them to "haul their m****er so and so," I saw that it was 8:04pm.. I was like oh crap, I have to get ready for school tomorrow. After cooling out from the sleep,"ah went an take ah bathe" after that I did all the necessary things for school and then decided to iron my school clothes. While ironing my mother was there with me watching ZeeTv soaps.. when it went on a break,, I was like mom, tomorrow is my father's[deceased] birthday.... she was really, how could it be, tomorrow is not the 11th [as his b'day is the 11th], I said 'oh yes it is'... She looked at me with her Wtf is wrong with you face, bring your C.X.C. slip and a calendar..before looking at the calendar... I said you see mom its the 11th, then she said yea the exam is on the 11th, but tomorrow is not... I was FEELING SO SHAME!!!!!! Omg... My brother was laughing at me for most of the night..Hmmm not me again. mother Knows best.. I "running down the people exams"lol...

Wheey....

This weekend was totally wicked! Friday we had a little house party for my mom and nephew, because their birthday is the same day. But when it was like 12:30am, i fell asleep on the staircase, I guess I losing my party vibes, lol...And Saturday I went by my cousins to spend the weekend, I was trying to use their P.c. to check out all my accounts, but I forgot how much it sucks to use dial-up.. so I just didn't bother. Saturday, my cousin and about 4 of his friends and I went to Movie towne, to loiter, because we were not feeling to move like rich kids and pay $45.00 Flicking Dollars!!! to see a movie lol...that was fun though, even though I was the only girl :(. Those mad dudes, went into the pricemart carpark, and riding the people grocery trolleys!! And a little while after...the security guard saw us...I WAS LIKE OMG!!!!!! I took off my shoes and ran straight in front long john's silver!! lol.. After that we decided to keep a low profile lol. Then my older cousin came for us..about 9:30pm, and went for a long drive, it was cool though, because they were playing some "real hard pound" but after while my head start to hurt! we end up in south...lol from St. James to south, we end up stopping somewhere, to buy food, and then it was back home, we came in about 12:15am, but my cousin like he has "worms" in his stomach, because he wanted to go and buy doubles on the main road. I went but I didn't buy :P, and now I'm back to boring home!!!!

Who would have thought?

When i entered Secondary school, I was like a fragile flower, in other words a nerd,I did not develop my womanly characteristics quite yet cause I was very young like 10 or 11. And then there were the very pretty girls[mean girls], who were half-way developed and were older than me like by a year or two. I remember not wanting to go to school, because they used to bully me, because I was so soft. I remember they telling me this stupid phrase,"roses are red, butter is gold, why wear a bra when you have nothing to hold?"[hey don't laugh!!]. And those stupid girls, didn't like how used to answer all the questions that the teacher would ask...and the first year I was in form 1 I came first in test... they taunted until school closed for christmas..
In the 2 month vacation before the new school year, before form 2, I completely changed my attitude, I was still under-developed, but I was no longer fragile! Now they didn't even bother to "come round me" because I "would cuss dem stink" lol... Well since I was soft, its obvious that my friends would be soft too. I did everything I could to break them out of their shell. Eventually we all gained the confidence to stand up to the "pretty girls."
In the vacation before form 3, we were so confident, and guess what, we were half-way developed!!! So we were going out looking fly and shit lol. And in that time I had my first Bf. I was so young and naive, that I was with that jerk.. but we have to make mistakes, to make better choices in life, and if I wasn't with him, I wouldn't know how to choose a better guy, next time around...Looks are not everything, but he was soooo hansome, but didn't know how to love...

Form 3 was a great year for me and my friends.. we were not bullied or laughed at. We became so cool and down to earth, and fully developed lol, with no pimples, and bitchy[well only me]beautiful clear faces we are now blossoming young women, we were always beautiful internally but now the beauty within us has grown so much, that it shows externally and I don't need to hear that phrase anymore, I have more than enough to hold lol. And by the time we reached form 4 those same pretty girls, are looking so"beat out",as we trini's like to say.They are fatter, they faces are filled with pimples, and their legs open like close pins, these days, But you see my friends and I are not like them, just because of all that we don't call them names, or anything thing like that, we treat them equally. But who would have thought that they would be looking the way they are today?
Even I'm shocked. And now in form 5, it's time to say goodbye.... And you wanna know something, I'm glad that those very girls sent me home crying everyday, If it wasn't for them I Wouldn't be where I am today, I probably would have been the fragile flower I was 5 years ago.
Now I feel so sad that I'm leaving them, through the good times and the bad, those who supported me right through, those who taunted and those in between....I'm now 16, and ready to take that next step in my life, ready to meet more bitches, form new relationships and stuff, right now I'm all teary-eyed, because so much emotions are streaming through me, because I'm remembering all the bad times..and even the good. Love You bitches....Peace out.....

<<<[Me with the wild curly hair in the pic there and the ex-nerds]

Before I leave.

Before I leave to go to school, I had to write this, because by the time I come back home I'll forget. I had the weirdest dream. I dreamed that I was home in my room, but it looked all different, there was a spooky effect. Then in my dream, for some reason I went into my closet, and there were about three large snakes,,,,and every time I tried to remove them one by one, they were not moving. I am not afraid of snakes, so in the dream, I was holding them normal, but then when I got one in my hands, it just ended up back in the closet.
When I woke up I told my mom my dream, she translated it for me. In dreams when you dream snakes, that symbolizes enemies, so in my case, she said that three of my very close friends[since there were three snakes] are claiming to be friends, but really they hate my guts. And she said, the reason for them being [snakes] in the closet, is because the enemies[3 friends] don't want to be revealed , because of the fact we're very close friends. I don't really believe in that, but just to be safe I'll just keep it low, and not not make a scene, and watch all the movements of friends and see what happens...... Hmmmm is it true?? I'll have to wait and see.

Exams!! and Stress

Oh lord, I'm so tied up with my work, but I just stole some time to update my blog. The days are so stressful, I don't even feel to get up off my bed sometimes! And now I'm hearing, that I have to do over Math and English for C.X.C., well thats normal stuff, so it not really bugging me, no wait I lied I hate Math, but any ways I'll do better! As soon as my last exam is over, I need to go do something drastic, like dye my hair, get my ears pierced a second time, or I could skip all that, and just go to a club or something, because there ain't no way that something drastic is happening lol..
Today My brother and I paid for my mom and step-dad, to go for lunch[well my brother is the one who paid, but it was my idea] because it was their 9th wedding anniversary, which was really yesterday, but no one remembered not even them, lol. It was my gram who called to wish them happy anniversary, and I was like, "Oh shit, happy anniversary mom." And she was like"Eh?, Oh lord how could I forget that[with a confused look on her face]."lol. My step dad's name is Vishram, So when he came home from work, I said, "Happy anniversary Vishram," He then replied,"Oh fuck, yuh mother will quarrel with me." Well I laughed until my belly started to hurt, because he didn't know that she didn't know either... but just for fun I didn't let him know that hehehehe.
I was never so excited for my mom to come home from work, everytime I heard the dog barking, I looked out the window..lol, She eventually came, we all laughed, an eeewwww, I won't even tell you what I heard lastnight,eeccckk!!lol omg, I'm remembering.. too gross......
And a next thing, I really don't know what it is but, two of my very close friends are saying that they like me{{boys Eh ppl}}, and I don't like them in that way, and they too are close friends... hmm, I can't even answer them, I keep using my exams as an excuse, but what happens after my exams? then what? I told [B] that I don't want a relationship right now, he says he'll wait till I'm ready.. but I know him too good he has no respect for girls, and refers to them as 'It, and 'That', like if they're a lifeless objects, so he's definitely out, But the other one [M] is a very respectful guy, but he smokes weed like if he "drinking water", and he has no ambition , he expects his father's money to take care of him, so I have to break it to them in the nicest way possible.... oh well... I don't want "No man to tie meh down,"according my girl Lady Saw,lol, at least not right now