Sup?

I hate that word, and I myself use it to tell my friends on msn Hi! lolz hmmm so how has life been going thus far? it's been going quite good actually, because in order for me to solve my problem, I got an idea from another friend, get somebody [well one of my friends] who the boy cah resist, and then let her break his heart instead! So I got this friend who is a Man Hater lolz, so she'll go along with it.... well enough about jerks,[i.e. boys] these days I'm just chilling with my friends, and living life to the fullest! An what else is new? hum hum hum nothing really, I'm just Loving Life!

And the award for the best liar goes to......Mr.Hussain

Damn people, I really can't understand what's going on? He is still talking to me cool as if nothing happend! I can't believe it!!!!! But damnnnnn the boy could lie!!! he says I'm the only one he wants to be with, ha! when he said that, I was laughing like an evil witch in my mind, thinking yes you fool you'll regret it one day! hahahahaha lol. I was sitting watching him drink his coffee in rituals, and all sorts of things just ran through my mind, and I was thinking of how much I wanted to just get up and strangle him, and take that same coffee and pour it on his "you know nah, d same ting he wanna use to hurt meh" but then I remembered that, I have to play it cool. But the thing is we talk like 3 times for the day, so he knows when something's up, I was talking to him in my sarcastic bitchy voice, and only saying "yea" or "uh-huh"....so then he said "something smells fishy", so "I said well see if the neighbour cooking fish. lol ... so then I knew, he was picking up my vybe from hearing my voice, so I said nothing darling [gawwd I hadda he call him da still] I'm just Pms-ing, he said "well ok den."


But I know I may seem to be harsh, but this is the only way I know how to deal with a problem like this, my dumb conscience is getting in the way!! You know sometimes when you watch movies, you see someone with a problem, and their trying to figure out their problem the best way they can? and you see An angel talking on one side, and a little devil on the other? this is the time me for to listen to the little devil, because I'll be one less girl to be hurt by a dumb-ass, so I'm going to try my best to hurt him, with all the girls in mind, who have been fooled by a boy or man!!!to all the mothers who get, or getting horn as well, PETER PAY FOR PAUL, SO NOW PAUL PAYING FOR ALL!! I just hope that I don't get hurt in the process of hurting him...........NAH that wouldn't happen man, I'm a strong girl! ;-)

*Sigh* I feel stupiddddd

Right about now, I'm really hurt. I shouldn't be, because its a stupid thing, My two very good Friends, Gina and the one who had dengue fever, Shazard [who is better btw], kept something from me, because they knew it would hurt..........and to tell you the truth it really really is hurting So Bad, I don't even know how to start to explain this, it's just so.... arghh! ok, I love my two friends with all my heart and I know they want whats best for me, but now I really wish that they had kept it to theirself. Okay now I know I said I wasn't ready for a relationship, but up out of nowhere comes this dude [shazard's friend] and he just seemed so different, and I was starting to fall for his crap, but one night when Shaz was liming with him, he was telling someone else, that the only reason he wants to form a relationship with me, is so that he can take my virginity, and then leave me after, well hummmmm that really hurt, because if thats all he wanted he is a jerk, BUT HE WAS NEVER GONNA GET IT!!! because I'm not easy, but still I mean Oh gossssssssssshhhhhhhhh! is that all going through boys minds???!!!! I feel so, i dunno, i nah feeling to find a word in the dictionary...... and they both knew since last week, and I could sense something was wrong because when I was talking to G, I could see something in eyes, that just wanted to tell me something, But they told me act like I don't know, but that is like soooooo hard for me to do, I just wanna cuss out dat mother fucker right now! and I really don't know how he have "d belly" to call me still, after saying or thinking of doing that, thats why when he called lastnight and this morning I said I'm studying, but I know I'm gonna crack sooner or later, because that asshole calls about 3 times for the day, I just don't know, I better tell him I'm gay or something lol, i still hav humor in the midst of it lmao, that wouldn't be good neither, that might just make the fellow even more happy lmfao ...no but seriously, I need to know what to do, I was thinking of making him fall in love, like deeply in love, with my personality [trust me that is very easy to do] and then STOMP ON HIS DIRTY LITTLE HEART!!! and make him suffer! and get "Tabanka" SHUX man I hate You Mr.Hussain with all my heart I hope you marry a very pretty wife, who gives you your 'farm' that you always talk about, and then,, when she make 25 chirren fuh yuh ass, she horn yuh, and lefff yuh ass with all 25 chirren to see about!! yuh mudda c***** I really am sorry for my beautiful language but right now I can't censor my blog.

Should i let it go?

Okay, i'm not a crazy bitch, i just keep about 3 weapons close to my reach, because whenever my step-father comes i feel scared,angry,pissed, vex etc. so I always keep this cutlass under my desk, because I had to move the other weapons........ But I thought they were getting divorced? it really doesn't look that way nuh, but the reason why I go out so much, is because when I'm not home I feel free, I feel normal and I'm away from seeing my mother give-in to that son-of-a-bitch! even though he doesn't live here, he comes often more often than usual! because of the fact that his mistress trusts him[the other woman] God I wish that woman does something to make his life a living hell. I see her a lot because she has a store in Port-of-Spain, but she looks like she really likes him. But then I wonder when I get my car, will I constantly be driving, going somewhere that isn't home? Am I running away from my problems? But how do you work out such problems, that you have no control over?

I'm hardly home now, I'm only home when no one is home, when my mother and brother go to work and my sis goes to school, and when they come home I go for my lessons, and after lessons three or four days for the week I go do something with Gina, whether is just to go movie towne, go Globe, or even the playground or by my cousins. And when I do get home I just go straight to my room, do whatever home-work I have, and then talk on the phone for hours, with my other friends, and somewhere between that time I come online and check e-mail and stuff, go to bed early so that the day finishes faster... so I could just repeat this cycle until, my mother gives me some more rope, so I could get a next bf or something, and start a new life and keep the past locked away forever, and move on with my life. Does that sound selfish? well hear what I really don't care anymore because I can't tell people how to live their life, so I'm just gonna live, and be free from my family's problems, and keep it "my family's problems" and not Haley's Problems, because sometimes I feel like no one's listening so I will longer be saying anything for anyone in this house to hear! I mean I love my mom, I wouldn't abandon her, and ship her off to some old people's home, but I just think she needs to wake up and smell the coffee!

where did it come from?

I dunno but for the past two days.... I've just been happy, and smiling, and being nice to people! I really don't do that! and when I mean being nice to people I mean like the people who always bring you down, i.e. my evil friends from school, who live close to me and people who never tell you goodmorning when you pass their house, or the sour maxi-taxi driver who snatches your money from your hand without saying thanks or nothing! lol

And I think that my new found happiness is contagious, because when I told my neighbour who dislikes me for some reason, he looked at me kinda puzzled and said, "Ok gudmornin" so then I thought probably the way I let my problems show through my face, that people look at me as a"Bitchy teenager" but now ever since I told the dude morning he always says goodmorning to me and everyone else now, a simple thing like that eh? hmmm although Gina said it could just be that he got the hots for me, lol but seriously I didn't think of it like that, sometimes when we're having a bad day, we sometimes need a compliment or smile from someone, even if they're not close to us.........

But yeah back to my strange happy feelings! they just came out of nowhere! and I think I know why, but I really don't wanna believe it's that four letter word L-O-V-E because it took me a whole six months to build up a wall around my heart, so I could focus an my education, because I really need to focus on my school work right now! so heart I'm sorry but you can't go falling in love and stuff right now because I'm just not ready for a commitment, I need to be 16 yrs old and just hang out and stuff, laugh take a lil drink every now and again [ juice&shandy eh!] and you know just live! because honestly I don't think I know the actual meaning of 'love' I need to be mature enough, but damn it! I can't even look him in his eyes! his beautiful brown eyes but he told my friend he thinks I don't like him because of it, and he even asked me, Friday why I didn't look him in the eye because we went out the Thursday, and I said it's because the light that was above your head was SO FRICKIN BRIGHT!! lol I never heard such crap in my life, so he said orrrrrrr ok then well next time we wouldn't sit by bright lights ok, ..........

I don't even think there'll be a next time! I need to see where this is going after January! not now at all! but to tell you the truth the reason I didn't look him in the eye was because, I said to myself he too 'fine' he ain't gonna like me! he looked like he liked 'pretty girls' you see in magazines, but for the whole time we were together he didn't even look at another girl, his eyes didn't even stray in another direction, and to me that deserved a thumbs up because very rare you find a guy like that, I'm not saying that he doesn't look at girls on the whole eh! but just when we're together his attention is on me at all times! but HEART stop playing with my mind, your making my emotions show right now, its like I hav no control over what I'm typing, it's just happening so fast! like I'm being possessed!I think my mother is picking up my feelings too but that's not good because then I'll never go anywhere again, goshhhh people who were young especially girls allyuh know how we hadda hide and make phone calls or say nah is 'just girls going'...Is not that I like to lie to my mom, but I have no other choice, I'll do what my big sis did, tell everything when I'm loading the moving van to go live with my husband lol, So yea I don't think I could muster my all my courage to tell my mother that, I may not live to write about it! :-(

What's New?

Well a lot's new! I'm currently attending Downer's Educational Institute doing over my maths, and well things home have cooled for good, my step-father only comes to give my mom money for my sis and stuff, and I've been going out a lot lately, because my friend Gina got a job, and job=more freedom so we're just living large!! lol but it isn't so good for her because she has to work and do over maths, so that's kinda sucky cause she has a hard book-store job, So now her dad is our Chauffeur carrying us everywhere once we get permission! Saturday we hung out at Ruby Tuesday, @ movie towne and then went to a bar I think it's GanzoBar lol but it's in the Fiesta Plaza section it cool! I had my cam but we weren't really in picture mood because we were hanging out with some dudes we met on facebook so, taking pics wasn't really on our minds but I never thought I'd meet someone like that I just figured you meet someone online, and then they would just remain your online friends lol it was fun while it lasted but then it was time to go! and Gina and I didn't wanna go ! :( so we said our sad goodbyes and left with the hope of ever seeing those two dudes again! because they're from Coceyea [South] so ain't no way we seeing them any time soon! I only took like 5 pics! and in all everyone was hiding their faces even me ! so i didn't bother, but I should have bothered!Gina and her Guy lol my pic wid my guy look to high! lol

well well my friend is okay, he should be because he kept me on the phone for like 2hrs, and i went to bed about 3:15 am, so yea he's fine! and well with my home situation things have been clearing up so it's all good, only thing doh, my mother doesn't want me to work, she even wants me to do my degree full-time so she taking extra work an stuff, which i don't really like cause then she'll be over-worked, but when she have a plan she doesn't turn back, so i just have go with it, and say nothing.....